Feb 14, 2013

Confessions Collection Vol. 1 (London Brown) by Leila DeSint

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"Descend into a world of deception, depravity, decadence, desire and desperation…

In the opulent setting of London's aristocracy, lives a young woman fractured into two distinct individuals, one face with multiple facets.

One fa├žade, a whore, London Brown, who will confess unfathomable truths, the other, a loving daughter, Desniah Williams will pull back the curtain to reveal what lurks in the shadows.

Caden Jacob Carrington V, a politician will do anything to reclaim the woman he lost, including dredging up pains of the past.

Rhys Christos Edward Stowell, a philanthropist will fight to win the woman he loves while baring the darkness of his soul.

Warning: Depending on the episode London Brown falls under the following: Erotica, BDSM/Kinky, and Dark Erotica/Taboo (dubious/non-consent). Also contains the theme of coping with survival of childhood sexual abuse/assault.

Includes episodes 1 through 9"


All the stars in the sky!!


So if I would show you my reaction after reading this book, it would look exacly like this guy on the gif:

Notice the smile after? Yes, that too. It's just that this book was so DAMN messed up but it was amazing and I'm:
When I read the description of the book, it kind of sounded a little too dramatic. And here were these four people and it doesn't look like they have things in common. And I thought: Okay, we'll probably have two couples: the whore and the politician, the philanthropist and the daughter. Looks like it might be interesting. But why two couples? What is their connection?

And then I opened this book...

Forget the summary! Don't even read it.
And scratch the two couples thing. This shit is ten times much better!
 This book deals with split personality. London Brown and Desniah Williams are a dangerous fire and they are between two men who are trying to get their girl.

London Brown:
"This was what my body had been made for—pain and pleasure.
I loved what I did. I was a dirty whore. Two men whose faces I'd never seen were using me and every inch responded to them. My pussy dripped from the pleasure."
Ok, lets be as frank as our London here. She's a whore. She works for The Agency(dumb name btw) and they send her cards with instruction what to wear and where to go for an assignment. She's not the type of whore that does it for survival. She's expensive, very professional and likes her job. She has 35 clients and fulfills their every desire.
"I'd been educated about men and their true nature through the acts they asked me to perform."

"Men liked that I was wet for them. It made them feel like I wanted them. I didn't really care who was fucking me as long as someone did."
"I was bad and deserved to pay. I fucked strange men and got off on it. That couldn't possibly be normal."
So I can't say that I liked her since it's sick that she likes doing those things. But it got me really intrigued why, why does she do it and why does she enjoy it? What made her such a masochist? Especially - why the fuck does she have a split personality? Later on, we learn that London didn't create Desniah, it's the other way around.

In the beginning of the book, London gets an invitation and the man that requested her is:

Caden Jacob Carrington V

Caden is a man that I was very wary about through the whole book. He's been in Hong Kong for five years and he's back now to get his best friend back - Desniah. But he finds the once quiet, nice girl is now an escort.
"Whomever I'd left behind was undetectable in the eyes evaluating me. But she was still my Des--the little girl from across the street"
Sorry Caden, but she's not. She's changed. And it's all because you made that happen. Desniah was in love with Caden, but she had some problems and couldn't let Caden in even though he loved her too.
"I loved a young woman once.".. "She and I fell in love. Not the childhood affection we once had. Our souls were linked. We travelled to Athens, Greece together. We’d shared a connection. I thought she’d be my wife. But she could never stand to let me touch her when my passion was evident." "She always recoiled at my touch as though I’d harm her," he said. "I tried to hold my desires at bay, when near her. Afraid and insecure, I questioned if she wanted me. An opportunity for me to work abroad came up I had hoped time apart would help her figure out what she wanted. That decision was an error in strength and judgment.
Now, he's back.

But he has a rival.

Rhys Christos Edward Stowell
"She was the only woman I could be close to. I might never find another. Yet, she was beyond my reach."
Rhys is Desniah's friend and the son of an elder in the Church of Christ, but he's rebellious. He hates the world of East Finchley and its rich pretending bastards.
At first, I liked him very much. He seemed like the really nice guy that lives by his own rules and is trying to get the only woman that understands him.
But then:
 Rhys is a true sadist.
"As long as I remembered having an interest in the opposite sex, visions of hurting women and penetrating them against their will had turned me on. I'd prayed for the urges to stop. But my dark fascination only grew."

"The thought of her slender neck beneath my fingers as I squeezed, restricting the flow of air, fed my dark need."
As you can see, Rhys has some.. pretty dark urges. My first reaction was: 'aw hell, this gets even more sick' and 'this makes little sense'. But what intrigued me with Rhys is that whole personality and his fight with his darkness. Rhys never acted on his wants, he always resists them, hating how horrible it makes him. He hates the monster in him and the fights him strong.
"I'd always feared any sexual experiences with women would be twisted and depraved. After all, I am a monster. Sex with her had been near normal. As ordinary as we could be."
But there came along...

Desniah Williams

... with her own set of demons and surprisingly she accepted it. Actually she understood it all, understood him.
Rhys:"I wouldn't lie to her. Even if learning the truth about me risked her being repulsed by me. I'd carried the shame alone so long. I wanted her to help me understand."

Desniah:"When we had been together it had been nice…unlike the other times where I'd either been made to feel dirty or frigid. Not objectified—desired, cared for--but not on a pedestal. Our encounter was part me relinquishing control and him accepting the commanding role."

"Rhys made me feel good, and for once, someone wasn't trying to control me. I’d yet to know what I wanted."
Desniah is your classic case of abused person and I guess in all that she made a split personality - someone strong enough to take it all and take over when things got too difficult. She was a weak person, but now with Rhys' help she starts to resist London. I don't really get how those two change between each-other and I hope author explores it more later.

She once loved Caden, but was broken when he left. I can't even believe how she could love him for certain reasons but she did. And now she's just scared. She found safety in Rhys' arms as much as he found it in hers.

The thing is: These people are fucked up beyond belief. And their fucked-up-ness is so fascinating. The book is an exploration of human mind AND human sexuality. That's the whole point. And I love it! I love these types of books. It's not one of those: "lets write about messed-up people that fall in love". No, this book is about the effects of abuse, about the people who experience abuse and how they cope(or don't cope) with it and how is affects the people they love. It's about friendship and how it can lead to love with mutual trust and acceptance. Acceptance being the key word. Because it's hard to love a person like these are. Furthermore, it's a book about how family and how those you trust can hurt you and scar you, about secrets and their burden. And finally it's a study about split personality. And THAT shit is no simple thing.

Oh, and the hot parts were really amazing. I dare say that I liked it with Caden too even though he acted like a crazed man. Rhys and Des were *fans herslef* wow! It was the first time I encountered breath play. It sounds exciting but I don't like it. Anyway, the hotness was pretty much secondary to me.

As much as I love this book, there are things I didn't understand besides things that are not yet explained because this is just the beginning: how the hell aren't Rhys and Caden so shocked about Desniah developing another personality. They act like it's the most normal thing, they're not doing anything about it! They just accepted it without asking any questions! It really bothers me.

Also, I wonder how Caden never got a clue about the things that were done to Desniah, it's just too much to believe.

The second episode. I felt pure disgust. But I get it that the author wrote it to show us just who is London.

And how come Desniah accepted Rhys and his sadistic side so easily? Especially since she was abused. I don't really buy it how suddenly she liked breath play and wasn't scared of the BDSM stuff.

The fact that this book is so short and is divided in 9 parts of 15 pages may look too complicated and unreasonable but it didn't bother me. It was written in first person and that too didn't bother me. These are confessions - like a diary. And it should be in the first person.

Lastly, I want to say:
I am in love with this author. Because this book is not just about how fucked-up people can be. It's a book that drips with intelligence. Not everyone can write about people with split personalities AND about two men with a complex life of their own who are so different from each other too. AND make all of this FIT together this perfectly.

 Seriously, I can't even imagine how difficult it was to pull this off. Most of authors write about two people but Leila DeSint dared to write about 4. Because it could have been too much, especially for a book of episodes that are so short, but it's all balanced and it makes me admire the author so much.

All in all, London was a whore that now suddenly began to develop feeling for Caden. At least I think. And Caden is desperate to have London/Desniah. I think he now wants London more. But boy, oh boy, when he finds out about the abuse. Rhys and Desniah find comfort and satisfaction in them self and I hope they end up together.

But I feel there is still much to come...

I can't wait for moreeeeeee!!!! And I really recommend this book to all those of you that find everything I talked about interesting, and even if you don't, give this book a chance because it's different and definitely not your ordinary book.

A copy of this book was kindly provided by the author in exchange for an honest review.

Last but not least, look out for an interesting treat soon on our blog and a little something you don't want to miss!! ;)

Until next time,

1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad you enjoyed the book and characters. Thank you for the fantastic review, Iva.


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